With Thanks .

 

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  My story of domestic abuse and its recovery first started roughly three years ago and it was as I've honestly admitted several times before originally started for my own personal selfish reasons ....

     I unfortunately wasted 28 extremly long , tiresome and hard years enduring endless emotional , mental , controlling , financial and other forms of domestic abuse ( but never physical ) . The person I once was became almost evaporated into nothing and I spent several years forgetting who I really was , almost to the point of thinking maybe I didn't want to breath any more . I decided that after successfully rearranging my whole entire life by informing my now very much ex abuser that he had most deffinatly out stayed his foul abusive welcome and that all those crazy mixed up thoughts and memories wizzing around inside my head needed to be put in some sort of vague order so I began posting it all in a blog never really fully expecting anyone to bother reading it  . 

 

   🎉  Today, this will be my 100th post !!!!! 🎉

        ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

   Surviving from domestic abuse has most certainly been an Interesting experience ( notice the classic English sarcasim used here ) and something I'm not in a big rush to do again but for all those stuck in a similar position as I once was in , I fully suggest to sum up all the brave strength you have inside and then take that first leap to freedom . Scary maybe to begin with but never forget there are endless groups and people out there who can help you when you decide the time is right .

   Always remember it's the domestic abuser with all the problems and never you !! 

    Has writting everything down on various posts helped in my recovery?...

                      Massively Big time!!!

   

   Putting my Story down somewhere has been a phenomenal help and I fully suggest others who are or have been involved in any forms of domestic abuse give it a go . Unlike mine no-one else needs to ever read what ever it is you decide to scribble down and again unlike me you don't have the added worry about any bad spelling mistakes being noticed . Everything written in my posts are 100% fact with no identities or locations ever mentioned in order to give myself some degree of privacy , granted it doesn't look or read just how horrible my life really once was but after 28yrs it does become a little bit difficult to remember each and every days individual abuse because it all sort of merged into one after a while  .

    Surviving from domestic abuse is now one of my many ongoing things in life and its a constant learning curve , not only has the person I once was gleefully returned but I now have this really annoying desire to be constantly positive in everything I try to do . My once selfishly written posts have now become more about finding that inner strength and positivity as well as proof that if I can survive my dark days then so can anyone else .

   Looking at other people's posts/blogs  about various other things most seem to be either promoting something or trying to sell something but that has never been my intention here , domestic abuse is a subject many avoid talking about and only those who have been there will ever truly understand it . It was never going to be a riverting ,  interesting , thought provoking or informative discussion to have with anyone but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be talked or written about . How will others learn or begin to understand if the whole thing is just swept under the carpet like it never existed  ?....

              🌍  WAKE UP WORLD !!!!!!! 🌎 

   Domestic abuse is happening right now to someone somewhere and ignoring it won't make it all go away , that person involved needs help and support right now and not ignoring . The ugly fact is that it can happen to absolutly anyone , anywhere at anytime regardless or race , age or sex . 

  Next time someone raises the subject about domestic abuse try talking to them about it instead of just changing the subject . 

    I've mentioned a couple of times before that if asked I would be fully prepared to stand up in front of a room full of total random strangers to discus not only my time of abuse but also domestic abuse in general , this is how strongly I feel about getting other people's heads out of the sand . I could spend my days researching all the many variouse groups , helplines and media sites all over the world that can offer help but unfortunatly it would all read a lot more boring than any of my posts and I feel others need more of a personal touch rather than just names or numbers ( If anyone needs to know that there's someone out there who will listern then my blog email can be found in my profile ) .

   What started out as a personal self help kind of therapy thing has now expanded onto various other social media sites and I plan to keep on going with it all for as long as possible . One day but most likely not in my lifetime others will learn to except that the only way to stamp out domestic abuse is to face the whole thing head on and those that domestically abuse others don't ever deserve to have a hiding place or have their feeble excuses for their actions believed .

    If you feel brave enough ( or bored enough 🤔 ) then by all means start my story of domestic abuse from the very begining and you'll notice how over time my attitude and strengh grows ( and I'd like to think my writing has improved a little bit too ) . I've never been afraid to write about the really unpleasant things and I've never set an age limit on it either because my theory is if domestic abuse doesn't have one then why should I .

   I'll finish today by saying a humongous thank you to all of you who have taken time to read because without you my message about domestic abuse and being positive wouldn't be able to take its journey around the world .  

Meanwhile I'm silently celebrating my 100th post by having my usual cup of tea and perhaps a chocolate biscuit or three all safe in the knowledge that people are actually reading my posts , taking notice and the scary monster thats been hiding under the bed called domestic abuse for far too many  years is slowly now being fought back 😊 .

   

     

  

   

   

   

  

   

  

   

  

  

   

  

    

  

  

  

   

Tomorrows Future .

 

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In domestic abuse there's something that some times gets forgotton about ( maybe forgotten isn't quite the right word here but I can't think of a better one  ) and that's the children that unfortunatly find themselves entangled into it all ....

   Father's , Mothers , Grandparents and everyone else involved in a family going through domestic abuse right now please listern ........Children don't deserve having to tolerate witnessing domestic abuse happen , they didn't agree or ask to be pawns in a giant scale Adult game of chess , so for their sake kindly keep them out of it please !!

   It's bad enough domestic abuse has to happen to anyone in general but when there's children in the middle of it all then it can get seriously ugly and in the worse cases they learn from it and think its all perfectly normal to then do it as they get older......it's up to us to break that circle of learnt behavour .

   

   As you all know by now from my previous posts, I'm a mother of 3 now grown up children and I'm extremly grateful they knew there was a better way in life rather than be like their father , this unfortunatly can't always be said for other children . When as a child you see a parent bulling or intimidating someone else in order to get what they want and it works then your going to try to use the same tactics unless of course your taught at a very young age that that isn't the correct way to go about things .

   Children shouldn't ever have to watch like I did when I was young one parent hit or kick the other parent out of anger for all the obvious reasons ( and yes of course this means every kind of relationship ) , we are supposed to be the sensible adults not temper tantrum throwing three year olds . It's our responsibility to set good postive examples to our children , we are the one's who are setting the seeds for all the future generations. 

  Divorce/separation can be extremely unpleasant thing to happen sometimes and there's occasionally a full all out war on where the children should live , most times it's the mother who will gain custody but what if it's the mother who is the domestic abuser ?....

   That question is a complicated one to answer because yes , I agree children absolutly should go to where ever is the safest place to live but that isn't always the case . It's exceptionally harder work for a father to get full custody of their children after they have suffered domestic abuse than it is for a mother and that's wrong on so many different levels .

    Here in England there is an amazing group called Fathers for Justice ( not just for domestic abuse victims ) and it all first started because things were so ridiculously one sided , things have improved over the years but it's still no where near good enough.  Why should a father have to fight for sometimes years just to have his own children when a mother automatically gets them instantly ?....

     That's just yet another unanswerable question .

   I know for a fact my children heard and saw a great deal of my abuse , they would as I mentioned before disappear into their own rooms , get absorbed into what ever electronic game they were playing or simply just pretend that what ever programme happened to be on the television was really interesting . Just because they looked distracted never meant they didn't know what was going on , children can be the greatest of actors when it comes to pretending they never saw or heard something .

   Children can and do bounce back from all sorts of horrible things in life including domestic abuse and they have this jaw dropping ability to be able to always smile when all around them seems sad but just because they can doesn't mean to say they should have to . It doesn't matter how old a person's child or children may be they will always be that person's baby , they will never grow out of needing a parents advice or safeguarding. 

   Some Domestic abusers ( not all ) see having  children has a form of ownership , they will suggest  having children as a way of trying to keep someone exactly where they want them . 

Now this doesn't always work but if your ever unfortunate enough to hear this from someone my suggestion is to run very fast in the direction of very far far away because it could save an whole lot of trouble in the future . 

   Would those that domestically abuse really use having children has a way of keeping someone ?....

                         Absolutly  !!!!! 

They will use everything and anything in order to get someone under their total control .

 I will never regret having my children but I will always feel guilty for what they had to be witness to , there may of never been any violence involved but that doesn't mean the words used were not just as painful or cutting . I have since then made it my all important job to raise them knowing that good manners , politeness and respect for others can carry you anywhere .

   Domestic abuse in all its many foul versions isn't the greatest thing but to have children somehow connected to it has to be the lowest of all lows , they are the innocent ones and they shouldn't ever be brought into the equation.  Those that abuse may not care very much about what their doing when they bring a child into their mad crazy little world but I do and so should everyone else !

   Children are not and never should be something to use against someone else like a weapon to cause as much pain as possible and they most certainly are not a prize that needs to be won . It may take two people to make that child but it can if needed take only one to raise them correctly if necessary . 

Today's Children are Tomorrow's future !!!!

 

    

  

  

    

    

   

   

   

  

 

    

   

  

Whats Helpful ?

 

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  When it comes to domestic abuse, what classes as being helpful ?....

                     ----------------------------------

  Is it the advice given by others?...

  

  Absolutly !

But you don't necessarily have to follow any or all of it . You just have to plough your way through it all and then work out what things work best for you .

                                                 

  Is it those not so helpful comments kindly given by those that clearly don't understand about " why don't you just leave ? "....

  NO !!!! 

Because if it was that easy to do then the person concerned wouldn't be in that position in the first place and need others help .

 Is it the phenomenal background support from the friends that you've somehow managed to keep?....

  Again absolutely 💯 % 

 They are the one's that have been your backbone of support when ever you needed it .

                    -----------------------------------------

All of the above may sound like really obviouse questions and answers, but when you find yourself all wrapped up in a domestic abusive relationship you can't always see the obvious.

  Personally I think the worst advice can sometimes come from those that have no idea what it can be like in a situation like that and oh boy ! have I heard my fair share of some of those stupid, totally unhelpful comments from not particularly not-so helpful friends and family . 

   The first and most important thing anyone can do when faced with a domestic abuse victim is to just listern . 

The abuse sufferer just needs to talk with no judgement or criticism being given back in return , they just simply need to say what ever it is that's been locked away inside of them for so long and let it all out . Yes there may be a bit of inner anger appearing but that will be all the frustration finally being released and it won't ever be directed towards the person listening and always make sure you have tissues at hand ready to catch those long held back tears .

   The only sound advice this domestic abuse survivor can offer is to find someone you trust and talk to them,  it can be a professional qualified person ( which I'm not ) , a good deeply trusted friend or a totally random stranger you meet whilst waiting for a bus .     

 The whole point is that once you start talking you also start seeing the light at the end of your dark tunnel of abuse and once you see that first glimmer then your journey of recovery has just begun .

    

   My posts where never meant to be a guide or be a go to for an endless stream of possibly helpful phone numbers or websites ( different countries have different ones ) but what it is meant for is to show proof that domestic abuse can be survived and life is actually pretty good . I can't ever offer the magic that will encourage others to leave an abuser because the only person that has that magic is the victim themselves,  they can only do it when they are good and ready to do it and then they will be ready to except the help that's out there .

   All I can offer completely free of charge is the knowledge that domestic abuse can be beaten and survived reasonably successfully if you really want to do it , if you need to talk then I will listern ( just check out my blog email in my profile ) . 

  I'm not anything special or highly educated but I'd like to think I've got top grades in showing you can be positive and strong after tolerating domestic abuse , I've said it many times but yes if I can do it so can anyone else if they really want to .......believe in it and it can happen !!!

   You could spend endless hours and thousands in money trying to find the right therapist or counselling and yes I'm sure it could work well if that's your chosen direction but the greatest and cheapest I've ever found is the trust I have in my good friends when I need to talk and of course there's my love of just being outside enjoying the fresh air ( regardless of the weather) .

   I could suggest you spend a disgusting amount of money on paying someone else or even me to give you all the answers you think you might need , but I'm not ever going to do that because not all answers will be the right ones unless the person asking really believes in them .

    There is and always will be just one solitary person who has the right to control your entire existence and thats yourself , only you get to choose what you do , and if you make a wrong choice then simply just learn from it and don't walk in that direction again . 

   The road you travel in life and the various paths you take are all yours and no-one else's,  if you wake up one morning and suddenly decide you fancy giving sky- diving or swimming with sharks a go ( and if you can afford it of course ) then why not go for it ! .

Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed and as I've mentioned many times before life is too short to get it wrong , and you only get the one go at it .

    Today be that much needed and trusted all important friend and listern if it's needed , it doesn't ever matter where or how it's done , just being there can be the most important and special thing you do . It doesn't matter what the subject matter is or if it envolves a bit of swearing ( personally I'd join in with it ) , it's all about letting whatever it is that's burning away on the inside find a way out .

   Simply just being there to listern can be the most amazing helpful thing you can ever do .

  

  

  

 

   

    

   

   

    

    

  

   

   

World exclusive.

 

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This is a world exclusive , its never been seen before and it's never been shared before . It's a small fragment example of my mashed up thoughts during my dark time period of domestic abuse...

                    🥀🥀🥀🥀

Slowly watching time tick by 

Knowing that I am soon to die .

Don't cry for me I haven't gone

Just start to sing a different song .

                     🥀🥀🥀🥀

 I remember all too well creating this little poem in my mind . It was during a time when I felt that I had nothing left but two choices to pick from in my life . The first was to tell my now ex that he had to leave after spending 28yrs being domestically abused with emotional , mental , Financial and all the other foul treatment or I could as I first wrote about at the begining of all my posts find myself leaving in a box with my name on it ,  I've shared it today for the first time ever with everyone because its about time it was set free .

   

  Do you think that all sounds a little dramatic ?....🤔

   That's because it was at the time .

  I had not only tolerated the abuse for all those 28 ridicules years but I had also had to deal with the illness and death of a parent and I had almost recovered from a mild form of depression after having child number three . 

   As you can probably work out my poor old brain was rapidly becoming severely over loaded with crazy mixed up insane not so logical thoughts and emotions ( I still get the odd random moment of it even now but it doesn't last that long thankfully). I knew those thoughts were not my relatively normal ones and absolutely knew I didn't particularly like them very much . I knew I had to do something about it but the big question was what ?.... 

I quess its fairly obvious which one I decided upon and on a more personal note I think I've made a very excellent choice .

   

  How can just one person have such a major effect on someone else's life to make them feel they would have to make such a decision?....

   That's a tough question to answer and the therapist's of this world would probably be able to give some fantastic deep thought provoking answers but all I know is that over my time of domestic abuse I never really noticed it beginning to happen , It sort of just slowly decended on me . I knew the sun was shining somewhere but where I was I couldn't see it or feel its warmth .

   

    Domestic abuse in all its many ugly forms is a horrendous place to find yourself in and that's exactly why as a survivor of it I now write all these postive thinking posts , I feel its my mission to show that there is a way out of it all and that those crazy foggy gloomy feelings can eventually start to clear . I keep that little rhyme ( written by myself for myself at the time  )  that started this post tucked up safely in the back of my mind so that when the mist trys its best to decend I can remember how bad things once were and how far I've now travelled .

   Everyone has their own unique ways of thinking happy thoughts and I have to admit writting everything down for me has been my cure , it all started as I've said a few times before as a purely selfish act in order for me to clear away the pile up of bad memories and now it's become what it is today . I try to always have a postive flip on things in life and if things start on the negative side like today then I always make a point of trying to finish with a positive . Today's post started on a very very dark theme but that's exacly what domestic abuse is all about and it needs to be spoken about more openly, it's one of those subject thst refuses to be swept under the carpet like it never existed .

 That's enough of dismally glum haze for today I think ,  it's time to sprinkle a bit of positive thinking magical fairy dust around ✨️ ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

          

  Today here in England the sun is doing its best to warm up ( bit of a chilly start but it's getting there ) , I'm enjoying my usual first cup of tea of the day and the dog might just get a quick walk thrown in before I leave to go to work . Today is going to be another one of those " I'm going to rule my world " kind of days and if life dares to even try to throw a negative curve ball my way then I'm going to pick it up and simply just throw the stupid #££%@  thing straight back again  !!

    Thinking positive after spending years of having to be made to think negative is a novelty that hasn't worn off for me , there's so many amazing positive things to see and do that I'm just too busy to waste my time with anything negative .  

     If you feel your version of darkness creeping in then please find someone to talk to , it could be a friend , a helpline or even a random stranger.  You could even do exacly what I do and write it all down , if you don't want anyone else to see it then why not just write it down  , read it and then just rip it up or burn it  . It's all about unlocking all those thoughts and letting them all out , it can take a bit of trust sometimes but its all well worth the effort in the end and if you feel that you either can't trust the people you know or you feel you just don't know what to do then please don't hesitate using the Email that's in my Profile , I may not have all the answers and I'm certainly not in any way a professional but I will I promise be confidential ,understanding and most importantly I will listern ( and then we can scream , shout or even swear together ) .

    Why not make today your perfect day , see those beautiful flowers ( and those perfect Bluebells are at their prime at the moment ) , feel the warmth of the sun on your face and just simply enjoy the day .

   

  

  

    

    

    

   

   

   

   

   

     

   

   

     

   

Laughter is free .

 

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During my far too long dark episode of domestic abuse I personally found the one and only thing that never really deserted me was my ability to laugh .

  

  Everyone's sense of humour is special and unique , thankfully mine never abandoned me . I have a habit of finding the most oddest things funny sometimes and I've always been very lucky to have been able to laugh at myself if it's needed . 

  Smiles and laughter cost absolutely nothing but so many people forget how to share it all around .

  Are you one of those people who will hold their hands up high and openly admit to still smiling and chuckling when the Ketchup bottle suddenly decides to make that really random funny noise it makes at the most inappropriate  moment ?....

  

 Yes , I still do it even though I'm supposed to be a sensible grown-up 😄 .

  I make no apologies for my actions because it is and always will be one of those funny moments in life that just have to be laughed at .

  

 How did I manage to keep laughing when all around was was overpowering darkness ?...

  

 That I can't answer because I honestly don't know , I'm lucky enough to have inherited my good sense of humour from my family and without it I think my world would be a very miserable unhappy place indeed . Its helped keep me sane when all around was chaotic and my laughter lines are deep I think have been well earnt .

  

   More happy laughter isn't something unfortunatly a doctor can prescribe , it's something that has to come from within . There is no magic little pill that can help turn a frown upside down , it has to be because that person really wants to do it in the first place . 

  Yes Anti- depressants can help numb things but they won't cure the deep rooted problem and that's all down to the individual person .  It's about if you want help or some form of supportive guidance then it is up to you to make that very first call or message . Others will very kindly help you of course after that but first you need to help yourself .

  Domestic abuse unfortunatly comes attached with endless heavy overtaking dark clouds but I promise you there really is a beautiful bright multi-coloured sparkling future waiting for anyone that's thinking of escaping from it . Once you achieve what you first thought, was the impossible then hold your head up high , smile and be proud of yourself . The laughter you thought you would never see again is just around that first corner and once you start laughing again you will never want to stop .

    The domestic abusers of this world do laugh ( debatable though ) but its normally to the detriment of someone else's high embarrassment and they don't just ever smile or laugh for the sake of enjoyment  . They most certainly are not ever humble enough to be able to laugh at themselves and they can get extremely angry or even violent if they feel they are being laughed at by others .

   I think everyone should smile and laugh as much as possible don't you ?....

  Some laugh with Twittery glittering giggles and some with a laugh that comes from all the way down from their toes but it doesn't matter where it comes from or how it's done because a smile and a laugh means for that for one moment there's happiness being shared all around , as the old saying goes " if you see someone without a smile , why not give them one of yours " and the bonus thing is its all completely free !! 😊

  Many years ago people used to have pen pals ( do they still exist I wonder ? 🤔 )  that they would talk to and share things with , well maybe that should be done with smiles,  jokes and laughter too . Something along the lines of if you hear a really good joke or story that made you laugh then you have to share it with at least two other people who haven't heard it before .

 At the end of todays post I'll add a couple of really silly classic " Christmas cracker " style jokes to help raise a smile and then the mission is to share them around and see how far they can travel 🌍 .

  It doesn't matter how murky or dismal today may be because tomorrow will give you the chance to repair the damage with as much enjoyment snd merriment you can possibly cram into every corner of it  . Just one small smile can rapidly transform anyone's face and that smile can then slowly grow into an explosive burst of endless chuckles,  twitters and raucous laughter . 

   Sometimes with the right person the laughter party can start either with just a look , a wink or a simple nudge , I count myself extremly lucky to have friends that only have to say one single word and the laughter game begins , what ever it is that we are laughing at may not mean very much to other people but it's not going to stop our fun and giggles .

  Did  you know that smiling and laughing can be highly contagious?.... Go on try it and you'll see what I mean .

   One of the most beautiful things to hear in life is a babies first laugh and I've been lucky enough to be there when my children were young to hear it . They can see the most simplistic things as being funny and it's a sound that if bottled could make a fortune ( the laughter not the baby of course  ) , If they can find the world a funny place at such a young age then so can we .

    As promised here's a few really silly jokes to help raise a smile and if they make you smile or laugh then why not follow the golden rule and share that smile around 😊. 

                    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

       Whats pink and fluffy ?....

                     

                  Pink Fluff !! 🤣

   Where do you find a Tortoise with no              legs ? ....

             Where ever you left it !! 🤣

  What do you call fish without eyes ? ....

                                 fsh ! 🤣

                      🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 Now it's everyone else's turn,  think of a joke and make someone smile or laugh today 😊

 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 

    

   

    

   

   

l

   

   

Perfect imperfection

 

   According to all the domestic abusers in this world everyone else is utterly and completely useless , pathetic , and hopeless , worthless or stupid ( and all the other words they pile together at any given opportunity) . 

   As I've mentioned before I was regularly told by my now very much ex abuser that I was " Fat , usless and ugly " which does make you very much wonder as to why the hell was he with me in the first place or stayed for 28yrs if I was that bad ? 🤔

  Just like the bad one in a box of apples it always has to try to turn everything else surrounding it mouldy too .

   I'm the very first to admit I'm not perfect in any form or fashion but one thing I do admit to very proudly is the fact that I always try my very best to be true to myself . All my imperfections are my own ( and yes I know I have a few ) , I know I can be encredibly stubborn , sarcastic and a bit slow on the uptake sometimes plus a few more bad habits but to me at least its those imperfections that make me the person who I am today .

   I don't think anyone is perfect ( apart from Miss Mary Poppins obviously ) and those that domestically abuse others will will always have to inform their victims of as many as they can find and even some that never really existed in the first place but they are the only major imperfection to exist in anyone's life .

   I've always believed that you should try to turn every negative into some sort of a positive and that's exactly what I try to do , if it's raining I try to see rainbows , if it's cold I try to think warm thoughts and if the day isn't going that great then I think my tomorrow will be better . As my profile says I'm an annoying eternal optimist whose glass is always full to the brim ( never forget glasses can always be refilled ) .

  My honesty does have a bit of a habit of dropping me in it sometimes and I know my trust has been dented along the way but over all I know I'm most certainly nothing like I was once so kindly informed I was like .

    It's the domestic abusers that have all the imperfections and issues in life , they are the one's with the problem which then in turn becomes someone else's problem because they have to share it all around to whoever they happen to be with at the time , they have to make others feel bad about themselves in order for them to feel good. 

  Never believe a negative word that comes out of an abusers mouth because trust me you are not and never will be whatever it is that they say you may be .

    

   Domestic abusers will blame everyone else for their own actions because nothing is ever their fault , they will have an overflowing bucket full of excuses for their actions and if caught out lying they will then become deeply offended that they weren't believed or they will put on the act of being a good decent person untill they think know one is watching anymore and then it all starts again. 

   How many times have I heard of abusers playing the victim card?......

     All the time because in their minds they are the victims and I've heard some amazing phenomenal excuses . 

 There's one case that I know of where over the years the abuser has claimed to have bipolar depression , anxiety , P.T.S.D and mental heath issues all due to believe it or not . ....domestic abuse !!!!   ( yet they where the violent , emotional and mental abuser in the first place ) .

   If they can make excuses like the one above then in my mind ( and it is only my own personal opinion) that it means that they know its all wrong in the first place .

   Would I want to make all my imperfections perfect ?.....

    

   No , I genuinely don't think I do because then I wouldn't be me . I now know for sure that I'm nothing like I was once told I was and that if anything I'm now more stronger and confident than I've ever been . 

   Imperfections are a perfectly normal human/animal thing or behavour and everyone shouldn't try to change just because someone else says that you should ( domestic abusers not included here ) , it's those random individual little things in life that makes everyone unique and special. Never try to be like the person that someone else wants you to be because you will never be perfect in their eyes and they constantly find fault in you . I'm not entirely sure if those that abuse know exactly what it is that they want their perfect person to be like because when or if it did happen they would only want it all changed again into something else .

  Maybe just excepting imperfections exactly they way they are is the better way to go in life , instead of trying to change them or reshape them to fit we should all just be grateful for what we all have .

   So today is my totally imperfect perfect day where all thats going to happen will happen with all its perfect imperfections , I intend to fully enjoy every single minute of it ( after my morning first cup of tea of course ) and appricate the fact that every thing I now do perfect or not is entirely my own choice and no one else's ,  I'm now a free independent person whose imperfections are their own and all mistakes made are all mine too .

  Why not make today your own and no one else's. 

   As the marvellous Mary Poppins would say ..... " I'm practically perfect in every way " 😊

   

( or practically imperfect and proud of it in my case  )

     

  

    

   

    

  

  

   

   

  

    

   

    

    

   

   

  

Your Song

 

Domestic abuse is like playing the same old horrible song again and again on an eternal loop , just when you start to think it's stopped,  it starts all over again. 

    it doesn't matter whatever what song it may be it because it won't stop re-playing untill the decision is made to unplug where ever that encredibly annoying sound is coming from . In my case I think I not only switched it off but I must of hit it with a sledge hammer for good measure too .

  There's many other brilliant ways to have music in your life and domestic abuse most certainly isn't one of them , how can I describe what kind of sound domestic abuse is ?....

   

  Think of finger nails being dragged down a blackboard but even louder , it will only ever stop when the person doing it feels like stopping and not before , it's all about the control .  Domestic abusers can't do anything quietly and there's always a form of punishment behind it if things don't go their way .

  When to stop your play list of domestic abuse is entirely up to you , it's your own personal music so only you can put a stop to it , how to stop it is again a very individual thing but when it is finally ended then its time to change the music to whatever you want it to be and you get to play it at what ever volume you want it to be . Where my music was once like a really old large vinyl record with big deep scratches on it and a tendency to jump , it's now a phenomenal greatest hits album full of my all time favourites .

  In case it's not been.noticed yet in this post I have always appreciated music in all its many variouse forms and there where times in my all too grey and gloomy past that it was one of the only things that helped keep me reasonably of sound , mind and body. One of my small never noticed rebellious acts was to sit down with my basic thing- a- bit -like -an- ipod and put my earphones in when football was on the television , I would open whatever good book it was that I was reading at the time and them pretend to switch off . The one all important factor in all of this was the fact that I never actually switched my music on , if he thought I couldn't hear him then there was no point in talking or moaning about something in my direction and I would get some peace and quite till the game ended . 

   My choice in music is various and never a day goes by when there's not some of it playing at some point somewhere , I now get to play it loud and proud instead of keeping it to myself . I now have complete control over my music thats played and the same goes for my life . Changing my music opened up whole brand new adventures and now I'm free to dance or even sing along whenever I want to ( granted not always in time but its still great fun doing it ).

  Can anyone change their music?....

   Yes absolutly they can , in actual fact anyone can and whenever they want to .

  

Now the big question is are you ready to improve things in your life ?.. because in order to make those changes you need to really want to and believe it can be done . A bit scary to begin with yes maybe but all that seems scary can only get better and easier as time goes by untill one day you realise there was nothing to be scared of after all . 

   No way am I a mentally strong all powerful superhero human but what I am is a domestic abuse survivor and if I can do it then do can anyone else , all it took was that one magic moment when I decided to change the music playing in the back ground .

  Now let's have a bit of fun......Here's my list of music that could very very loosely related to the subject of domestic abuse ( obviously none of which should be taken seriously but you'll see what I'm trying to do as you read it ) .

          🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

   

  Highway to Hell = AC/DC

  

 I knew you were trouble = Taylor Swift

  

 It wasn't me = Shaggy

 Help = The Beatles

 War = Edwin Starr

 Please release me = Engelbert Humperdinck

I will Survive = Gloria Gaynor

Freedom = George Michael

Keep on running = Spencer Davis Group

Your song = Elton John

Its my life = Bon Jovi

      

          🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

 

 Granted their all a bit obscure with the connection but you can see where I was trying to go with it . There is one ultimate finale song and one of my all time favourites to add to my list and that's by Mr Frank Sinatra's and its My Way  ( or Sid vicouse's version for those with punk tendencies like myself ) , it sums up exactly how I now feel about things nowadays , no one will ever get the privilege of thinking they can control me because I am the only person who has the right to do that ,  I will of course make mistakes along the way but I learn from each and every one of them as I go along and it will all of course be done  my way  🎼  .

  So what ever your music choices are and what ever the lyrics mean to you never forget if you don't like what's being played you can always fast forward the song . It's your unique individual very special personal playlist so you get to pick all the tracks , be they heavy rock , country and western or seriously sloopy/ romantic it's all your choice and you can get to sing along or dance because they belong to you and no one else .

Remember....... Never be made to dance to someone else's music !!

  Whilst writing this post today there has of course been my normal cup of tea and my music playing in the background giving me the inspiration for today's subject .

 

    

   

   

  

  

   

  

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

    

   

    

   

 

Not the Master controller.

 

Why do those that domestically abuse others always feel the need to be the master controller?......

  It certainly isn't because others can't manage to live their own life quite successfully without it and it most deffinatly isn't because that others can't survive a single moment without being guided along the way . So that then leads to another really interesting question , if it's not for those reasons or more importantly , is it then abusers/controllers underlying deeply buried problem ?....

  Maybe they possibly feel that if their own life isn't going the way they want  it to then it obviously must be someone else's fault and that in turn means that whoever happens to be with at the time needs to be redirected to go in the direction that the abuser feels is the right way to go so that they feel their life is back on course ( even if it's going to go wrong again ) . 

   Basically if they can't control their own life then they try to control someone's else's . 

  Is it their unique form of anxiety ?...

  I'm not sure but I much rather they learnt to sort it all out for themself then share it around to others .

   Is it down to their own individual insecurities ?....

  Possibly but that doesn't really help or do any favours for the person their going out of their way to control. 

  If the want-to-be  Master controller thinks their messed up in life just imagine then what it's like for their latest victim after they have had to deal with them !! Just imagine walking through a never ending minefield , never knowing when or where that next explosion could happen or how big it could all be . 

  It could be over something as silly and as small as not putting enough sugar in their coffee or how dare you wear what you wanted to wear today , the controller's of this world just want everything done their way .

  Personally I've never really worked out why they feel the need to do it , yes I've seen and heard several really good reasons but in some cases it's just very poor excuses . The controller knows exactly what their doing at the time and they know exactly how to get the end result that's demanded , so if they know from the start what they are about to do then equally they should in theory know that what they are about to do isn't the right way to go about things 🤔.

   O.K , so what can you do to make life a little easier living or being with someone who feels they need to control everything?....

⭐️  Just stop , count to 10 and start again then breath....  ⭐️

I found keeping calm helped a lot , kicking off because their kicking off doesn't help anyone or anything so when or if it happens just smile sweetly and listern to what they want to say then very calmly take a big breath and in a reassuring sort of way try to explain that you actually do have it quite successfully under your own control thank you very much , granted it doesn't always work or go down well but the staying calm bit most certainly benifits the person having to deal with it in the first place .

  Many a time in the past I've had amusing moments where I've actually managed to out smart and out control my now ex abuser , sometimes I knew when told that the so called brilliant idea would be a complete disaster but I went along with it just for the fun of it ( yes I'd get the foul treatment after but it was always well worth it).

  One great amazing idea was on a really hot sunny summers day " let's cut down the branches on that tree in the garden " ( people passing by the back gate could see and hear everything that was going on ) so off came his shirt and up the tree he went , major orders about how to do this sort of job properly and comments of " I know what I'm doing " , then a few hours later after clearing up the mess that was made below I heard a voice moaning that he had got sun burnt on his back and was now stuck in the tree !!!! 

  I knew it would all happen but there was of course no way I could mention any of it , he found a way down after a great deal of swearing from him and laughter coming from those people that passed by and I got a massive sulk thrown my direction for a couple of days but it well worth every single minute of watching and laughing on the inside. 

   The above is just a random but funny moment in my past life ( theres been a few good ones similar and thats for sure ) but what it does show is that Karma can get give those that want to control everything or everyone a short sharp bite on the bum occasionally , it was those crazy moments that helped keep me going sometimes and on bad days I'd replay them in my mind just to help make me smile . I still see that same tree every single day now in my garden and it's now looking pretty good after I did the job myself once he had left without any instruction , sun burn , swearing or getting stuck . 

   There's so much stuff I've discovered that I can now do all by myself quite successfully if needed and I'm most certainly not " fat , useless and ugly " , if I find it's something a bit beyond me then I just simply ask a favour from one of my great friends .

  Just like that tree I've now grown taller and stronger , no one will ever ever attempt to get the chance to try to control my life again and get away with it . There is and only ever will be one ultimate master controller in my life now and that is .......ME !!!!!!!!!!!