Tomorrows Future .

 

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In domestic abuse there's something that some times gets forgotton about ( maybe forgotten isn't quite the right word here but I can't think of a better one  ) and that's the children that unfortunatly find themselves entangled into it all ....

   Father's , Mothers , Grandparents and everyone else involved in a family going through domestic abuse right now please listern ........Children don't deserve having to tolerate witnessing domestic abuse happen , they didn't agree or ask to be pawns in a giant scale Adult game of chess , so for their sake kindly keep them out of it please !!

   It's bad enough domestic abuse has to happen to anyone in general but when there's children in the middle of it all then it can get seriously ugly and in the worse cases they learn from it and think its all perfectly normal to then do it as they get older......it's up to us to break that circle of learnt behavour .

   

   As you all know by now from my previous posts, I'm a mother of 3 now grown up children and I'm extremly grateful they knew there was a better way in life rather than be like their father , this unfortunatly can't always be said for other children . When as a child you see a parent bulling or intimidating someone else in order to get what they want and it works then your going to try to use the same tactics unless of course your taught at a very young age that that isn't the correct way to go about things .

   Children shouldn't ever have to watch like I did when I was young one parent hit or kick the other parent out of anger for all the obvious reasons ( and yes of course this means every kind of relationship ) , we are supposed to be the sensible adults not temper tantrum throwing three year olds . It's our responsibility to set good postive examples to our children , we are the one's who are setting the seeds for all the future generations. 

  Divorce/separation can be extremely unpleasant thing to happen sometimes and there's occasionally a full all out war on where the children should live , most times it's the mother who will gain custody but what if it's the mother who is the domestic abuser ?....

   That question is a complicated one to answer because yes , I agree children absolutly should go to where ever is the safest place to live but that isn't always the case . It's exceptionally harder work for a father to get full custody of their children after they have suffered domestic abuse than it is for a mother and that's wrong on so many different levels .

    Here in England there is an amazing group called Fathers for Justice ( not just for domestic abuse victims ) and it all first started because things were so ridiculously one sided , things have improved over the years but it's still no where near good enough.  Why should a father have to fight for sometimes years just to have his own children when a mother automatically gets them instantly ?....

     That's just yet another unanswerable question .

   I know for a fact my children heard and saw a great deal of my abuse , they would as I mentioned before disappear into their own rooms , get absorbed into what ever electronic game they were playing or simply just pretend that what ever programme happened to be on the television was really interesting . Just because they looked distracted never meant they didn't know what was going on , children can be the greatest of actors when it comes to pretending they never saw or heard something .

   Children can and do bounce back from all sorts of horrible things in life including domestic abuse and they have this jaw dropping ability to be able to always smile when all around them seems sad but just because they can doesn't mean to say they should have to . It doesn't matter how old a person's child or children may be they will always be that person's baby , they will never grow out of needing a parents advice or safeguarding. 

   Some Domestic abusers ( not all ) see having  children has a form of ownership , they will suggest  having children as a way of trying to keep someone exactly where they want them . 

Now this doesn't always work but if your ever unfortunate enough to hear this from someone my suggestion is to run very fast in the direction of very far far away because it could save an whole lot of trouble in the future . 

   Would those that domestically abuse really use having children has a way of keeping someone ?....

                         Absolutly  !!!!! 

They will use everything and anything in order to get someone under their total control .

 I will never regret having my children but I will always feel guilty for what they had to be witness to , there may of never been any violence involved but that doesn't mean the words used were not just as painful or cutting . I have since then made it my all important job to raise them knowing that good manners , politeness and respect for others can carry you anywhere .

   Domestic abuse in all its many foul versions isn't the greatest thing but to have children somehow connected to it has to be the lowest of all lows , they are the innocent ones and they shouldn't ever be brought into the equation.  Those that abuse may not care very much about what their doing when they bring a child into their mad crazy little world but I do and so should everyone else !

   Children are not and never should be something to use against someone else like a weapon to cause as much pain as possible and they most certainly are not a prize that needs to be won . It may take two people to make that child but it can if needed take only one to raise them correctly if necessary . 

Today's Children are Tomorrow's future !!!!